Into the Future We Go...

Mosaic Uptown's Second Service Recap

2006-09-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

Mosaic Uptown's Second Service Recap

1st Service, we had 205 people. 2nd Service, we had 190. This is a very good thing. The reason that this is a good thing is because around 15 people who came the first time were people who were there to support Mosaic Uptown's launch.

Mosaic Uptown meets at the Visulite Theatre on Sunday nights at 6 p.m. Our vision is to reach out to the city of Charlotte while offering an environment that is not the norm. We don't need a buildling, we don't need stability of location, nor do I think a lot of people desire it. The change is excitement, the chaos is less each week but still creating a culture that is fluid is very important. People need to be okay with change. The culture of Mosaic seems to be headed in that very direction. Our destination is the same but the avenue that we reach this may change. People need to understand that structure always submits to what the Spirit of God is doing.

I have an amazing team that I am working with. The volunteer staff are incredible. The foyer team had 26 volunteers today. Emily Hollister is the volunteer cordinator for the foyer team. It has been amazing to see her heart blow up for Jesus more and her life really being lived on mission. She has the most AMAZING heart and I can trust her. She does what needs to get done with no questions asked.

Each person on the team is vital. Their presence is what makes all of this possible. Without our volunteer staff, Mosaic would not exist. Naeem was talking today about how it really does matter who you have around you. The people who are giving their lives away at Mosaic are the right kind of people. They give of their lives, resources, time and most of all their passion. Uptown Volunteer Staff, thank you for giving your lives away. We are excited about the future.

2006-05-02T14:45:00.000-07:00

There are thousands of children who are invisible and they are constantly running to save their own lives. Walking five to ten miles at night, they roam to grasp a sense of safeness in the abyss of their terror. These children are what we know as the invisible children. They have been made famous by the documentary which was made by three USC students which has catalyzed movement on their behalf.
This is a social justice issue which needs to be addressed by our culture. There are children in Africa who are suffering, being killed, raped, murdered, tortured, and anything else your mind can think up of that is absolutely horrific. And we as American do what? Nothing or at least the majority, we sit in our comfortable worlds where we live and think of what we will eat next. The person next door wonders what she will buy next and the boy next to her thinks of when he will have sex next. This is our culture and not even at its worst. If not that extreme, Christians talk about the good they will make in the nations but I see only a select few activating and going to them. Will we counter it? I think this generation will and I see more and more rising up!
There is potential and I will not be the negative one and say that we are going down hill. But I will see that we have been raised to think of things that are worthless, hopeless and countless in the face of eternity. We need to rise up and exchange the mundane for the dream. We need to cast vision over our friends and hope over the nations. We need to excite the world to the reality that there is a God who cares for them and who desires to see change. God will act on his own behalf but he has placed humanity on this earth to ignite change and pull goodness from the heart of each person. He is the only one that can use you to do this and have an impact on eternity. People can pursue social justice and that’s great but when justice is pursued through the kingdom of God, it’s the best you will ever get.
The person who started the movement in Rwanda, the genocide going on in Sudan and the army leader who leads the people that take children to make them soldiers are people whose hearts desire goodness but they can not see it. There eyes need to be cleared and their minds need to come undone. Will you be the one to go? Don’t just go and be with the victims…go to the root. My question is how do we do this?

Children....

2006-05-02T14:44:00.000-07:00

There are thousands of children who are invisible and they are constantly running to save their own lives. Walking five to ten miles at night, they roam to grasp a sense of safeness in the abyss of their terror. These children are what we know as the invisible children. They have been made famous by the documentary which was made by three USC students which has catalyzed movement on their behalf.
This is a social justice issue which needs to be address by our culture. There are children in Africa who are suffering, being killed, raped, murdered, tortured, and anything else your mind can think up of that is absolutely horrific. And we as American do what? Nothing or at least the majority, we sit in our comfortable worlds where we live and think of what we will eat next. The person next door wonders what she will buy next and the boy next to her thinks of when he will have sex next. This is our culture and not even at its worst. If not that extreme, Christians talk about the good they will make in the nations but I see only a select few activating and going to them. Will we counter it? I think this generation will and I see more and more rising up!
There is potential and I will not be the negative one and say that we are going down hill. But I will see that we have been raised to think of things that are worthless, hopeless and countless in the face of eternity. We need to rise up and exchange the mundane for the dream. We need to cast vision over our friends and hope over the nations. We need to excite the world to the reality that there is a God who cares for them and who desires to see change. God will act on his own behalf but he has placed humanity on this earth to ignite change and pull goodness from the heart of each person. He is the only one that can use you to do this and have an impact on eternity. People can pursue social justice and that’s great but when justice is pursued through the kingdom of God, it’s the best you will ever get.
The person who started the movement in Rwanda, the genocide going on in Sudan and the army leader who leads the people that take children to make them soldiers are people whose hearts desire goodness but they can not see it. There eyes need to be cleared and their minds need to come undone. Will you be the one to go? Don’t just go and be with the victims…go to the root. My question is how do we do this?

2006-04-27T23:04:00.000-07:00

Where I am at....

on the road to beautiful by charlie hall

I crumble at Your kiss and grace
I'm a weakling in the dust
Teach me how to cling to You
With all my life and all my love
Father come to me, hold me up 'cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is shot, I can't reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing
And on the road to beautiful
My seasons always change
But my life is spent on loving You
To know You in Your power and pain
You're my portion in this life
You're my strength now in my fight
And to You I pledge my heart
In the pain and in the dark I'll love You
I'll love You, I'll love You
I'll love You...
This is where I am. Barely holding on because I have been so overwhelmed but I have a peace in my soul and family around me that loves me. God answered two huge prayers this week and I am so thankful for that....

Prayer and Healing

2006-04-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

prayer/healing REPAIRED

I went through a prayer session today with some woman at Mosaic LA and can I just say that God opened my heart up to areas I was never aware of; It's funny how he knows me so well; He brought meomories to mind only he could of; His spirit flowed through my heart and allowed me to forgive people I never knew I was angry at; My stomach feels looser and my body feels more free; This journey that he began today is one that I will not take lightly; It's one that has to be taken; Erwin spoke on something today that correlated so clearly with this; God spoke directly through him to my heart; It was a part where he said, you have to look past the storm and see the sunlight; Don't be fake and act like the storm isn't there, just make sure you are speaking the hope you see through the storm; Right now there is a storm in my midst; There are things that I was unaware that now have been unveiled; There are places I don't even want to began to go because I know the pain there is difficult and real; I just hope humanity realizes that so much has hurt them and their heart is to precious to be hurt anymore God desires to heal

The second part of this is about strength finders; The woman and I talked about my strengths in the midst of the different environments that were deeply rooted in heartache; My strengths were so difficult to deal with within those contexts; It was SO AMAZING to see strength finders used during prayer; I am so excited to get certified this week and take it to the nations; People's lives will be changed when they see there strengths and their God given talents; The lie that people should focus on their weaknesses instead of their strenghths will be defeated at least a TINY BIT but God's heart in my heart; I can not take it for one more day, seeing people focus on their weaknesses breaks my heart; May we live to show people the things inside their souls that are AMAZINGLY theirs and given to them by the creator of all that is good!; Give your lives away for the sake of other people and fufilling their dreams; This is where healing comes from; Stop be silly and selfish and love on some people today Wake up Worldwe need to live with more urgency

Crystal Clear!

2006-03-27T18:08:00.000-08:00

So I was working out today and was reading "Natural Health". It is one of those amazing magazines where you can see the image of God all over it. I am currently doing a project on the existence of Jesus in a mixed religious world and how we as His followers can say that he is the only way. First of all I see glimpses and common ground material in so many things. I read an article in the magazine that made me think of this.

It was called "Crystal Clear". What is energy? Most of us think of it as a commodity- whether its gasoline or Red Bull, we buy what we need and that’s that. In actuality, the human body is an energy conduit that never rests. We're all constantly transmitting energy information to the universe and receiving it in return. "Everything is eternally moving and vibrating at an incredible speed," says Japanese researcher Masaru Emoto, author of the bestselling The Hidden Messages in Water. While individuals vibrate at unique frequencies, Emoto theorizes that each of us has the sensory skills to feel and affect the vibrations of other beings, as well as objects, place, and occurrences in nature. Using high-speed photography, he discovered that frozen water crystals respond distinctly to positive or negative energy contained in words, images, and music. Water exposed to kind and beautiful expressions forms magnificent, jewel-like crystals, while harsher stimuli result in shapes that are dull, warped and fragmented.

It’s funny to me how beauty and creativity affects the universe even in the greatest of ways like it does to water particles. How can people not believe? There are many reasons…there is hurt in this world which is the harsher stimuli which makes them shape and view things as fragmented and negative. There is an unknowing of what really has created all that is. It makes me sad but SUPER excited to know how water crystals respond to goodness because the human soul is so much greater. Pascal says the human soul can’t bare itself to anything without it being affected. I hope your life is affected the souls around you in a very positive way.

Rival and Heart

2006-03-23T12:11:00.000-08:00

Main Entry: 1ri·val
Pronunciation: 'rI-v&l
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin rivalis one using the same stream as another, rival in love, from rivalis of a stream, from rivus stream -- more at RUN
1 a : one of two or more striving to reach or obtain something that only one can possess b : one striving for competitive advantage

There are rivals in my life for my heart and for my life. There is more than one thing striving to obtain something that only the ONE can possess. How much longer will my concious enter into a place that is aware of this battle and letting the certain thing that should not win WIN. I am aware of the rivals and the roots. What will i do to uproot these?

It begins with this verse that I continue to pray in my heart, soul, body, and mind. "Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name."

So many times in the old testament you see divided hearts. In Ezekial 11, God is speaking with Ezekial about the condition of the heart of certain leaders of the people within Israel. The leaders were divided and vile. They were serving two things, tangible items and unseen ones. They were advancing evil and not overcoming it. While Ezekial was prophesying to the people about their consequences in sinning, one of the leaders died. Ezekial cried out to God and pleaded with him not to kill everyone. God explained that he was going to give them an undivided heart and even better A NEW HEART.

God has declared a new heart within each of you, he has given it to you if you are in Christ Jesus. That heart is not stone, it is flesh. You are brought back to Eden, not longer haunted by it in a taunting way. You are hearing echoes of the enternity that God is longing to bring you into. He has given this to you. Take hold of it, claim it, and celebrate it. My heart has been renewed! I am in love with Jesus more and more. I pray that world will know this hope. GO GO GO Kingdom.

Meeting with Scott and Leadership Chat with STeve.

2006-03-08T22:02:00.000-08:00

Amazing Night. Oh my gosh it's been a while since I have experience something as holistic as I have tonight.

I met with Scott which by the way, can i just say that I believe in him so much! It is like having someone in front of you who can explain what you are saying in a very real and in tune way. He knows me fairly well in both my weaknesses and strengths. He can see my limits and the boundaries that need to come up in my life. He understands me wanting to feel connected and that this is the thing that matters. It's not the process in which this takes place but the end result of the connectedness.

I am blessed to have Scott, Alice and so many other back in my life. It's been so long since I have actually felt like I was giving my life away to Mosaic but I am very excited about doing this for my last three months here in L.A. and who knows that God will do next....

Steve did a great job tonight while he spoke about emotional intelligence. I will leave you with this. Self awareness, self management, social awareness, and relational management are what make you have emotional intelligence. It's amazing to see how much of this I lack but how excited I am to join the journey with so many others in this quest to become more healthy in this context. Did you know that the successful people are the ones with eq regardless of their iq. Funny thought?

Old post that I forgot to put here from like 2 days ago

2006-02-25T12:54:00.001-08:00

I am going to Phili and NYC in a few days. I feel far from home at this point but I know for me location means nothing when it comes to home. I am not sure what this means. As cliche as it may sound, home is where your heart it. I am around some amazing people here in L.A. and have had the time of my life while I have been here. But I know my time is ending here but I still want to be here. Do you all understand this?

There is a part of me that I have noticed as weakness. When things get really hard I want to run. Tonight right now if i was a little more tired than I already am would drop everything I am doing and leave to go to Charlotte or London or Africa....I really would. But for now I pray that whatever this is that I am feeling would leave. I would face things with courage and not fear. I would see the invisible, fight the tiredness and live life well.

I long for heaven tonight and want to be with Jesus. This world has made me tired today....

Cutest

2006-02-17T09:59:00.000-08:00

Trevy and I in the offices today very early this morning :) I love children. Not ready to have them but can't wait to love on some when I do. I have learned more than ever this week that I love to give my life away to the dreams of others and help people make connections. May my life always network effectively wherever I am.

Life is ever changing and ever growing. The colors are always new and bright if you look into the world and understand that beauty has created it. You understand the love is the driving force of anything that is good in this world. You realize that any act of kindness that is brought on upon something outside and something so much greater than ourselves. You realize that Jesus truely was human and that the Spirit is the avenue for the revelation of God. If Jesus submits to the Father and the Spirit submits to both, this is a really cool thing to factor in. If you look at the works of the Father in creation, it's amazing to see that as he created the Spirit drew them out. It's amazing that the same Spirit that roamed the earth before it was created dwells in our hearts and leads our lives to things that are so outside anything our fatal hearts could ever create.

I truely with a passion hate mean people. Why do we feel like we can be mean to people on the phone or to random people in other places. Our choices determine our tomorrow. Think about this and listen to the podcast of Mosaic L.A. from this past weekend. It's about choices.

Lesson learned from many thoughts and conversations over the past 24 hours. People need to plan and be organized. If this is not their strength they need to manage their weakness. I do not mean that they need to focus on them. They need to stop, sit down and figure out how to fix the mess and then go on. Its structure I understand this and don't always like it but I do know a core value that I have taken on and the Lord has written upon my heart is from Mosaic's five core values "Structure always submits to spirit".... We can have all the structure in our lives and it will be good because The spirit of God is stronger than my structure and can move past this.

bye bye blogger

2006-02-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

So...I am done with this for awhile at least a week :).

P.S. We went to two service tonight at the Mayan and it was great. Its been a really really long day but honestly pontential for some serious change and character building in my life. Had great meetings with some amazing leaders like Alex and Eric. It was good but hard all at the same time :)

broken...

2006-02-12T08:21:00.000-08:00

Its days on end that i don't understand myself at points. I want to call my self "self-aware" but the more that I realize about myself, the more I realize that God has so much to fix...

I am tired of the lies, sick of Satan. My stomach has this pain in it that I can't describe to you. Do you ever feel like your just failing and theres no way out? Do you ever realize that your a very extreme person and find yourself tangled in the lies around you?

Moving to Charlotte!

2006-02-09T19:30:00.000-08:00

Friends and Family,

“Welcome to: the future, to the adventure, to the city that never gets boring, to my heart that is unbalanced yet satisfied, to a job that I love, to a school that I am ready to be done with yet still want to hold onto, to a prayer that I can't say out loud because I know He will answer, to so many desires that I honestly wonder when they will come to pass….to the beat of my heart that since I met the Living God has cried to not live a mundane and complacent life, to someone who loves to encourage, and to someone who loves people,” I wrote this about four months ago when I was really wondering where my life would be headed after graduation.

Each of you has had a significant impact on the next stage of my life and I am eternally grateful for that. It has been a rough, exciting, and mysterious past seven months as I have journeyed with the Lord within this conversation about the future. Erwin talks about how the future can either paralyze us or excite us as we step into the mysterious. For so long I have been paralyzed by May. There was no security in it and my body, soul and mind has walked in so much fear. I have finally decided what I am going to do after I graduate, I am moving to Charlotte, NC to be part of a new church plant called Mosaic. Some of you may we wondering how in the world did this happen. Read on to hear about the journey!

Back in September I went to a conference in Atlanta working for Erwin and ended up meeting some amazingly wonderful people. I met Gil Gatch, Amy Gartside and Naeem Fazal who are the staff at Mosaic Charlotte. As I have gotten to know each of these people over the past couple of months, We share a huge passion for the body of Christ and the Lord has really taught me a lot through my friendships with them and has used each of them to open my heart to the option of leaving LA. Mosaic launched on January 22, 2005 and I was able to make it out there for the launch. I entered into something that I had been dreaming about for a long time; it was a group of young people who have given up everything that is familiar and moved to give their life away to the city that they live in. It was a group of people who look past the natural and walk in the supernatural and understand that God is beyond our comprehension. They understand that life is to be lived with urgency within their hearts and that the time is now for salvation to come. They understand that the invisible is scary and full of risk but are jumping into the unknown. They have a passion for the name and renown of Jesus to be returned to the city of Charlotte. Naeem is an incredible example of what needs to take place in order for ethnic diversity to happen within a church; a lead pastor who is not white and like everyone else around him. I was blessed to meet with Naeem and filter out some thoughts while I was in Charlotte and really felt the leading of the Holy Spirit to move there.

I went back home after my trip to Charlotte and was confused beyond my wildest measures about God’s voice. I sought it from everyone and everything that I could possibly hear. It was not until I got back to L.A. when I got really silent before the Lord that I felt Him. The lesson that God has taught me this year is that He is moving everywhere; His heart is for humanity to be reconciled back to Him. If I am moving towards this goal and pursuing humanity than I am doing His will. I will say that there is not a huge audible voice in my head saying move to Charlotte. But I will tell you that I am excited and at peace about going there. It is a huge risk. I am leaving behind an amazing movement here in L.A. God will have to act on my behalf in order for me not to fail in Charlotte because I know that I can not reach and love people without His hand being involved. The Lord has really given me so much hope in the future. I know that the things spoken over me my sophomore year about going to the nations will also come to pass. I am hoping to plant churches and create community all over the world. London may be next after Charlotte! God has ignited something within my soul over the past few days that I can not explain but I know He is good and has huge plans for my life. A huge lesson that I have learned through a trial of my friend’s Candi and Jonathan is that life is short; we have no idea when our last day is and we need to risk. Something Candi said while leading worship is what I am taking with me to Charlotte, “No matter what the circumstance is the right response is to always worship God.”

As my time is coming to an end in Los Angeles beauty awaits me in Charlotte. The bride is being gathered and the city is being taken over. My heart is beating faster and faster. My heart’s cry is for the name and renown of Jesus to be returned in all cities and all nations in the world. So here I go, I begin my journey to help this happen. I pray and beg with God that I will go many places and catalyze amazing environments for life change.

I leave you with this: “He tells you to take courage. You are inspired and overwhelmed to go where no one has gone before. You enter an experience only possible when you are moving towards Jesus. Then it happens. You see the invisible. Peter walked on water, and that’s strange enough. But then he saw the wind! Not the waves. Not the effects of the wind. He saw the wind! And then he was afraid. To follow Jesus is to engage the invisible. To lead the church is to advance the invisible kingdom. And so much becomes visible. You begin to see the gates of hell. You begin to see the wind that rages against any who dare to follow Christ. Who will not shrink back? Who will become an unstoppable force? Only those who see the invisible!” –Erwin McManus, Unstoppable Force.

For His Renown,
Laura

sick and planning meaning

2006-02-08T20:40:00.000-08:00

So i have this disease that makes me spit up and it is seriously killing me tonight. I have thrown up 5 times and am trying to study. Not working.

I had an amazing meeting tonight and really got to use my strengths. It felt really good to activate and get things going. Alice and I are creating an experience team for an event Mosaic is putting on. It's for students at USC and it's in a coffee shop on campus. We are catalyzing an experience using the best of Mosaic. We will have videos, spoken word, dance, painting, and much more. I was sitting at dinner and told Alice that we needed to creae an experience team. Of course she is the head of this but I told her I wanted to help. She had already done more of the thinking and brainstorming! She is soo good at that. So I got on the phone and created one. Thats why I love the strength of activator. You hear something and you want to get it done. Alice has the strength of strategic and maximizer so it's good that we are working together. Scott had the strength of focus so it will be good and he's a visionary, although he is not helping. If you want to know more about strengths and how they can change your life and your teams let me know :) I am getting back into it!

McManus Clan

2006-02-01T21:39:00.000-08:00

I am currently at the McManus household and listening to a conversation that is going on inside the kitchen. Buddy says, Do you notice how I am the only one that did not say anything because I am the only "t" in the room? Then Mariah was like DUH we are all "f's". It makes me laugh a lot that we at Mosaic L.A. talk in this language all the time. I was sitting in the car with Kim today talking about different things and one of the first questions that came out her mouth was that you and FN right which means I am an intuitive feeler.
I love Mosaic, I love MBTI and Strength Finders and want to gather the bride all over the place.
I also listened to some stuff with Kim tonight by Bill Hybels from the Leadership Summit. He stated a quote that talked about leadership that really me up. He talked about 50% of our focus should be on self leadership which is shown best in the ministry and life of Jesus. Jesus would minister so intensely and then go off and be by himself. He would be reminded of who and what he was. He would hear the father's voice and be loved on.
This made me think a lot tonight about leadership and what that looks like in my own life. We have to take care of our souls. Alone time, solitude, silence, and "soul care" are so important.
When things seem weird, when we don't understand the voice of God, when we seek 500 other voices other than His, it's no wonder we end up in a helpless position barely able to breathe. Our father desires simplicity and a focused heart. Wise counsel is something that is surely being redefined in my personal pocket dictionary. Peace is what I follow. Hearing the voice of God becomes simpler as I become more soft and quiet. I only desire His will. As I look into the world, I see the hurt. I understand the will of God. It's to go and help the broken hearted and to ALWAYS make people my greatest priority. Why is this so hard to understand? I want this to make my thought life radically different because I understand this. I want this to make me come more alive. I want to love and dream more.... Dream bigger world...lets change this place....

Not to show my good friendness but to just to give you hope....

2006-01-31T07:14:00.000-08:00

This is not to show what a good friend I am but to encourage those who are trying to create authentic relationships in your lives. I pray that the world would say this about each of you. I am humbled that one person has said this to me. So I get this note today in the mail from a friend today and it says this:

in case i'm slow in writing the building-mental-letter.
i wanted you to know one semi-simple thing.

there are many many moments in my life when something happens.
something tragic on a small, insignificant level. or...
something spiritually profound. or...
something unexplainable.

anyways. there are all these moments that i feel really alone.
unable to express myself to another human.
or even unable to desire a specific other, knowing that all will fall short (depth-wise).

except, in those moments.
i often long for your presence.
you understand me in the places where few else have.
and i appreciate that quality more than i've ever shared.

i wanted you to know that.
i love you.

This is from one of my greatest friends and I long to be this to more than her. I long to be this to each person that I encounter and I long for each of you to be this to the world. So many of you are this to me and I thank you for that...

hopeful but still hopeless

2006-01-28T08:41:00.000-08:00

Pain is hopeful and needed to understand life.......

amazingly amazing

2006-01-25T06:35:00.000-08:00

I hit ground last night in Little Rock and felt safe. I have so many stories to tell and so many things that God showed me yesterday even in the midst of no sleep and 4 flights. I am excited to see where God is moving when I get back home to L.A.

On a funnier note: the lady that has been obsessively pouring her life into me made a great comment this morning. Tammy and I were sitting on the couch with Caden playing peek a boo with him and trying to make plans with Carrie. She said this "well you all can come over here but I can't cook because I have one kid on my boob and the other one on my leg." It's good to be home, its been way to long. I love my ladies back here and how they pour out into me. I am going to meet with some of my girls this week that were in my small group who are now graduating from high school. I can't beleive it!

I will write later when I have more time. Busy for now :)

2006-01-18T09:03:00.000-08:00

So interesting day and adventure yesterday! I started out feeling okay and went to bed feeling amazing! Hung out with Rachael, Jimmy and Crystal last night. I got my nose peirced well re-peirced. It was a rad parlor. Not like 7th street or the other places I have been. Then we went to the Grove and did what girls do best. Yes my friends we shopped! Jimmy met up with us after work and then we went back to their apartment, made some smoothies and chatted with their neighbor. Crystal and I left and got lost in Beverely Hills because we were chatting and laughing not really paying attention.

School ends in one day and my soul and eyes feel freedom. I am excited to go to Charlotte on Friday and see God blow up in this city. I was reading in Ephesians yesterday and it was so good. My best friend and I have been talking lately about taking our thoughts captive and how to do that. It is so important to think of those things that are lovely, pure, good, righteous, life giving and above this world. Someone challenged me yesterday morning to think on things that were above more than on things that do not really matter. God really challenged me with this yesterday and I feel like He is moving me in a new direction within my thought life. Its good to feel change but all at the same time hard.

"Rememeber the right response is to ALWAYS worship God." -Candi Pearson Shelton

2006-01-16T23:31:00.000-08:00

Note: please continue to pray for those who are in Charlotte about to launch this Sunday. Naeem the lead pastor has experienced some hardship within the past 24 hours. His father had a heart attack last night. Please be praying for him. Also others have been feeling sick and weak. The enemy is really coming up against them. Please battle on their behalf!

My friend Alice directed me toward a friend Peter's blog today. These pictures were posted move my heart in ways that I can not explain. To see the pictures go here http://www.xanga.com/PeterAmico
Peter has been in Africa for the past however long serving people who have aids and trying to defeat poverty around the world. These pictures are the open graves of victims who have died of HIV.
When I got home from a long day of studying God really opened my heart to something that it had not been open to in a long time. I went to Africa two and a half years ago with Jacque, Marty and Alyssa. Alyssa and I experienced something that I truly still can not put into words. Nigerian people have something that is so beautiful. I have never seen such raw faith nor have I seen such beauty created with their love. Going overseas truly changes a person.
I have been caught up in a lot of things these past few weeks with being in a ridiculous amount of school. Although my words may seem selfless at times and at others very selfish...I feel like apart of me still really needs to be released. I still want to become less. John 3:30 has been beating me with lately. I desire for God to become greater than me in myself. I know that apart from God I am not good, there is nothing within my own fallen nature that could ever come close to creating beauty.
Right now my heart is screaming at my own selfish ways. Those times when I only try to feed my own needs and create environments for myself to feel better. As the tears fall and my hearts burn with sadness, I hope that God will only continue to inflame my heart to the world. I know that there are times when I get so caught up in the busy crazy times of life and don't understand the core. The core is God's renown in the nations and for all people to come to know Him and enjoy Him. It is His heart who desires to see brokenness made complete. Starring off into the wall that sits before me I wonder when and how I will ever defeat this battle I feel like I am in. I feel God is really teaching a lot of people things right now through trials. I am taking hope in this; I know that through trials we can only produce 2 things: something good or something bad. I also know that God says that when we strive and persevere through the trials, our character is built and our hope becomes greater which I would consider good. So I chose to go to bed and wake up in the morning and have joy as I wrestle through whatever God is trying to say to me and those around me. I rejoice in the hurt and hopes of the future. I take heart in God’s promises and know that he will never fail me. I take hope in things that I have heard through the week whether I have read or listened to them. I remember what I learned from Candi this week is that the right response is to always worship God. Worship has always been a word that is ever growing and more real. It right now means to make much of God. I remember something that Misty told me awhile back was to always follow peace. I desire that and feel like that is the path that I am on. I only hope that somehow and someway I can radically change the world and make a huge positive impact by “being known by love and being a voice of hope.”
We have one life to live and one chance in history to leave a mark. We have a God who desires great things and big dreams. I live a life that does not always reflect this. I want my choices and life to reflect God’s existence and I hope this is what He is forming me into. May I always be thinking of those around me more than myself…

U2

2006-01-16T17:10:00.000-08:00

God's voice through U2 :)
"Baby slow down, the end is not as fun as the start. Please stay a child somewhere in your heart."
My new theme for the day. It is time to slow down which does not mean to stop doing everything that I know is His will. I know that he wants my heart to beat faster for Him. I get that today. I need to slow down enough to see attack and then defeat it. Misty really helped me to see this today. Its when we know and actually can repeat things in our heads that have power over our thoughts in a good way that is benefical for us. When we know scripture which is God's audible voice to humanity and repeat this within our souls, it helps to bring life to me.
I have realized today how sticken blessed I am. I have an amazing community both close and far from me. I am thankful for those of you who are a daily voice in my life and who bring so much dang encouragment to me. I am blessed and floored that God invites me into people's lives who are really true pictures of beauty. I love each of you :)

LAST BLOG FOR AWHILE...

2006-01-13T08:48:00.000-08:00

Just to let you all know..this is my last blog for awhile...

In James he tells us to ask for wisdom when we do not understand, in the Psalms David constantly cries out for wisdom and God gives him this. When we are in trouble we are constantly asking the Lord for help. Why only in our times of need do we ask? Why not all the time. I pray that I am always a so called "needy" person before the Lord. I have come in touch with my depravity these past few weeks and it's a good but painful, life changing place to be in.

I am starting to listening to a series called Ancient Proverbs for Modern times during the fast for Mosaic Charlotte and the fast for so much more than just that...I have asked God to use this time away from everything that seems normal, me being in school for 8 hours and then studying for 8 hours is not normal. I can't really live my life the way I enjoy it. This is the point, God is stripping me right now to be raw and in front of his thrown where my heart understands AGAIN that this life is not mine to live. I have honestly laid down everything not sure where anything will fall into place within this next few months and I am glad. This is something I have to change my theology on. I am bad at this so called "waiting periods" or "prepartaion periods" This is what the past year a half has been and the next 5 months are until I am done with school. I don't want to miss one moment within this because whatever God has next, I want to run into like a Rhino. They can't really see a whole lot :) So yes God has been moving. I will admit that there have been lots of tears and joys. I have grown closer to my roommates and people here. God has answered major prayers and we are excited. Candi and Jonathan got back and it's good to have them here. They are super encouraging to me. I get to go see them lead tomorrow night and it will good to be in God's presence with them. A new friend has starting coming to Mosaic with me and it's such an amazing story. I can't wait to see how it unfolds over the next few days, weeks and even months. So thats my life and I done with this stuff for now.

Erwin said this the morning. I have a felling that these messages are going to stir things in me like never before.

"Those things that are most obvious we have the hardest time getting. What you do not know is what the next moment holds, you were created to live and to move into that which is mysterious, unknown, and uncertain and while that should excite us and make us most alive, it often paralyzes us and cripples us and makes it most difficult for us to feel most alive. We were created to live our lives in a continuous conversation with god and as we live our lives strangely enough our since of inadequacy to step into the moment ahead of us; they become the context for us that we become most aware of God. "

2006-01-11T06:24:00.000-08:00

Previous post deleted because I reread it and realized how negative I was being yesterday :) Forgive me I was sick.

God is showing me that it's a daily looking upward towards him and his beauty that makes me want to live my life. It's early and the sun has not risen yet but I know that God has light to offer today. I think I may go drive through the city and watch the sunset before class. It's amazing that we have been invited to create beauty, the same thing that God did when he created the earth. What a concept!

Go love on some people today and make your intimacy with God and other people your concern today. Look away from your own needs to the heart that God has for this nation and you will realize that if you give your life away to that cause, your needs to will taken care of.

You won't understand the pics unless you read the blog

2006-01-09T23:50:00.000-08:00

This could possibly be the best post ever. It is about my random, funny, totally rad, and totally crazy busy all at the same time day. It began with school of course for 8 hours. Oh but it was not 8 hours today because I had a "meeting" at 2:30. We call them meetings but that word is relative for sure at Mosaic and I love it :). Anyways after my meeting got canceled and rescheduled I decided to leave class anyways because my prof had already given me permission to leave. After class I then went to work and worked for two hours. Chad and I took an adventure to the gas station that the Industy just got in. But industry I mean the exit that we work off of has a ton of other stuff but not a gas station. So we always walk there! Chad and our other friend are very high matience and have to have special water and 220 calories worth of chocolate. On our way back we found an axe in the middle of the road. Interesting!

After that I left to go back to Biola. The lovely Bible Institute of Los Angeles. Hmmm it gets better. I then "studyed" for 3 hours aka spent 2 hours doing my speech and the other hour messing around with Lil Girl or whatever else could distract me from that. Then went to the gym. Oh this is where I will have a meomory from that I will laugh from forever. I know my roommate Crystal will appreciate this because we are both clumsy little suckers. I had just got done doing my run thang and then got on the stair climber. Well let me talk to you about this for a second. You don't put it on speed 15 and don't expect something to happen. I started runnings up those stairs which then became impossible which then entailed FALLING of the stair climber. The picture that has the cow falling from the moutain. Yes this is how stupid I felt, as stupid and radicolous as this sign is. Thank you google images:) Oh yes my friends. I feel and hit my knee. But the best part was the IPOD went flying down with me hit the ground and the ten guys that were walking behind me laughed and were asking me if I was okay. The embarassment was huge. I was like "yea i am fine" and turned away. My knee was killing me and I started to laugh but also cry maybe. Not really sure. I got back up for about .2 seconds and was like I am leaving. I was embarrassed BUT i did not leave, went and did the weight stuff and then left.

Oh the other two pictures of me are in class this morning :)

On the way cruised around to Black Eye Peas in the roommates little green spyder and danced my bootie off :) Good times with Laura...

P.S. Check out candilion.com for Candi Pearson-Shelton stuff. BUY her C.D. It is amazing. Her and Jdog come home tomorrow. YEA!!

victory in you know who :)

2006-01-09T08:05:00.000-08:00

Edit to this post: My life just got brighter, it already is but Candi and Jdog just called and there sassy fras selfs are getting home tomorrow! I am ready to have them back :)

Also one more thing. I am longing to love people that is based upon a permenant love. O' that my soul would continue to interact with the God who can only perform this miracle on my ability to love people.

I went to bed last night crying and woke up rejoicing. One thing people who really know me understand that at the drop of a hat I can be weeping. Last night it was for many reasons. I felt the burden of our city like never before yesterday. I felt all those around me who were really struggling or had been struggling. I felt a lot yesterday. I felt the things that I was also dealing with. I felt excitement about things with Awaken. I felt excitement about Los Angeles and people here. I felt confused because of things that I know God is doing in me that sometimes hurt but you know is good. I know that there are people that I am suppose to talk to and need a lot of courage to do this. I have been challenged by many in my life over the past few days.

I woke up a lot in the night last night as I did the night before. Do you ever know that you are not suppose to be asleep but instead you are suppose to be seeking and seaching and understanding what God is trying to say to you. It has been two of those nights. But this morning brought new joy and hope. One of the ladies who has poured into me a lot called me this morning very early because it's a two hour difference. So I woke up to her and got to call her back on my way to school and really just listen. She listened to my heart and things that were going on and she just encouraged me. I felt good. After that I turned my music in and started listening to Erwin on c.d.......

To Be Continued...Time for class for the next 8 hours :)

2006-01-08T17:48:00.000-08:00

My heart hurts a lot. I feel like Satan is really speaking lies to so many people. My roommate feels inadequate right now. My friends over in the other world also feel this way. So many of us feel attacked and so many feel down. What is God about to do? I have a feeling something huge. It is hard being a feeler right now because you feel it all around you. I am praying though for restoration of so many. I love that about God. He is my overcomer and restorer and gives me hope. I only hope I can be a voice of hope to people around me.
But on a new note. It's been an amazing day, just kinda ended with feeling others pain but I rejoice in this. I know that suffering even with other people produces so much inlcuding hope and character. Those two things are good things...

2006-01-07T20:22:00.000-08:00

FUNNY EDIT:
So i am currently reading through Genesis and i was in chapter 10 but went back to look at six because i was wanting to know again the reasoning of Noah and how all that came about. And came upon this, I was reading different versions and the message said this. I read it to alice and we died laughing. I have studied Bible Translation in school with good and bad techniques. I do not know where this one falls. Maybe under awkward.
GOD said, "I'll get rid of my ruined creation, make a clean sweep: people, animals, snakes and bugs, birds--the works. I'm sorry I made them." (Gen 6:7)

So all of these pictures are from Alice and my adventure tonight with coffee shops. Two different ones, tons of different people, lots of lovin, and lots of dang good coffee. And of course chatting. A well needed break. The other picture is from Alice's bday part awhile back and I happen to love Brittanys smile in this one and LD is o' so funny.

I just realized something. L.A. has been weird lately because none of my friends have been here. I am silly and don't notice things like that a lot. Alice has had her family here and been away for awhile. LD is gone still in some awkard state that I do not even know how to spell I am sure. Candi and Johnathan have been gone for an entire month. Carmen just got back and we saw each other for the first time on Friday. Little Girl is never around cause she's in class also. It has just been different.

Today has been a hard but really good day. Can I ask you all to commit to praying for God to really blow up at Mosaic in Los Angeles. Can you ask him that he would make us more alive and more of a spiritual epi center for the city in Los Angeles. Can you ask him that more and more people would come to a conclusion to go against our culture and know that absolute truth is out there and that truth really is not relative. I only hope that Mosaic would be to the city a place were excellence is seen and where they have opturtunity to engage in excellent everything. I want not only us but the rest of the body in L.A. to really be fighting a good fight. I want to come against every spiritual battle that takes place here and shut it down. I want to fight with the power that we have been given.

Something that has been more and more put on my heart today is the Mosaic Alliance. We have a ton of churches who are interested in the alliance. I know there is a structure of some sort to it. But Alex deals with all that and I have had the opturtunity to take with him at times and different church involved. Currently I am aware that Mosaic Nashville launched back in June and are doing great.

Mosaic Charlotte Launched in Two Weeks. Would you all please pray for them. If you talk to people in the past and even read heros of the faith, you know that these two weeks are crucial and vital. High alert is on for spiritual attack and distraction. It's a time where the voice of God is crucial. Please please please be praying for them. Naeem, Gil and Amy are on staff there and then the rest of their volunteer also. Some of there names are Kristi, Whitley, Joel.... Again please ask God to protect their hearts and minds. Ask the Lord to really allow them to dream bigger and risk A WHOLE LOT. Also that God would bring people to them more an dmore to serve and be excellent.

My desire is for the local body in Charlotte, Nashville and also L.A. to really take over the city and reframe people's thought on what community and church are.

So the other thing is that I have been reading a book called the Closing of the American mind. Really confusing but really good. It is about higher education and how teachers and students say that truth is relative. I have learned from this book it is because a lot of times people are really not willing to search for the core of things. Everything is relative therefore no one is right or wrong. My truth is fine for me and yours for you. It doesn't really make since to me. There has to be things that are absolute. The university needs to press for students to think more. Parents need to rise up and be good parents and invest good and solid things into their children. I am not even talking about Christianity. I am talking about the moral law within side each person. Teaching them the reality of good and evil that I would beg to offer that most of humanity is aware of. Anyways just a thought.

Awake but Sleeping all at the Same Time...

2006-01-06T15:00:00.001-08:00

Story Behind this Pic: Mark and I were standing there talking. Alice came up and we wanted to be nerds so we posed like we were cool :) Look at Luke in the background, he looks funny :)

Black and White Pic: Crystal, myself and Janice. Janice is on Lead Team at Mosaic with connections and she is the most rad lady in the world. I love her a lot. Crystal is my goofy, rad, totally cool roomate. Possibly the coolest girl in the whole wide world!

The other one: Um whose posing for the camera? Def. not me. Radicolous but absolutely funny at the same time. Heather, Rennea and I loving on some Junior Highers :)

There is longing inside my soul that desires to be awaken. There are things that I have asked for my entire life that could be on the brink of coming true. There are dreams in my head that are dying with new ones being reborn. My life is spinning due to lack of sleep but driven my something greater than my imagination can comprehend. There is an issue of trust in my life but there is peace. I have peace and I will follow this. My best friend Misty has always advised me to follow peace. I never grasped this until I moved to Los Angeles. When Bobby and I broke up and I experienced heart break for the first time, I took one of the largest risks I have taken in my entire life. I moved all the way to other side of the nation and began life in Los Angeles. It’s been the hardest two years of my life but also the best. I am involved with Mosaic and it’s one of the most confusing but thriving movements that I have ever experienced. It’s liquid, constantly moving and ever changing but forever moving forward. There are weaknesses and strengths to every movement but I just pray that God’s spirit would continue to capitalize on the strengths that He is choosing to use within the body of Christ. I pray that we will speak beauty and love to the world. I ask that we would represent well and with excellence. My heart is also broken today because of the way the “Church” has been seen to the world. I want to change this; I want the paradigm that people look out of when they see the church to be beautiful. It’s said that the paradigm they look through is dirty and gross, what is sadder is that so many people have made it look this way. We have shown them human nature not the heart of God. I learned that from Erwin.

Today has brought a new light. I feel okay. School has been hard and really weary on me. But I am going to rest this weekend and spend time with good friends. I will go run and do fun stuff like that. I will live life well I hope and only pray that I would be delighted in God. He is so good to us and so worthy of all of us. I hope to encourage and love on some people too :) !!

breathing...

2006-01-05T08:29:00.000-08:00

I breathed a little bit last night. I got home to the dorm where I am staying and had a good talk with a friend who lives on the floor. We talked for awhile about this transition that we are in. It was so good to have someone relate. I am not alone in this akward time of trying to figure out what is next. And it is not even the question of what is next. It's more than that. It is shifting everything I once knew to this new world. I am no longer in school in five months. I will start working full time and I will have more time to learn things I really desire to learn at my own pace. I won't be forced to study but actually can do it for the sake of doing it. I will actually have time to reflect and not just stuff, stuff, stuff...
Mallory and I talked about cross cultural ministry and our hearts for church planting and her dream of owning an orphanage in South China. It was rad to see her heart. There are so many amazing people at this school with a heart to really change the world. My friend Nicole is currently in Africa working with Invisible Children. Then there is Buddy and Lucas in Germany. And Daniel in Austrillia trying to change the world from over there. There is Peter in Indo and the rest of his family. There is Anna in Sweeden. Please pray for these people. It's just exciting to know that some many of those around me are true leaders who think globally and they are willing to risk and not just stay where it is comfortable.
My heart and eyes just got really big thinking of how much God has blessed me. I have so many friends all around the world impacting it and have the honor to interceed for them. We serve an amazing God whose heart is for the nations. Going overseas really changes ones life and even moving to a completely different part of the country. I know that moving to Los Angeles has really helped me understand Urban life. But I still feel like Los Angeles is distinct compared to most cities in the U.S. It is so much more sprawled out and really hard to live life with people.
Eric Bryant has been a huge encouragement to me lately and I love hearing his stories about his wife and him really leaving life well with people in Los Angeles. It is possible to live counter culture in Los Angeles. I am not sure if I will be able to experience that during the next five months because of school but hopefully someday I can really understand living life well with people in an Urban area. I desire it so badly because I know especially in Los Angeles people feel so lonely here.
I am encouraged always by my community back home who live life so well together. It is like they just understand what it means to be intentional. That is something that God has been teaching me lately, it's so important to be intentional with your time in Los Angeles. It is difficult at times because traffic is never ending and you never know when you will not be able to be somewhere because of it. It's also a fun experience leaving up North, going to school east and how knows where the office I work at is. I really have no idea but I do know it's like 20 minutes from school and home.
It's always really great to hear about church plants going on. I have heard a lot working with Awaken and it's amazing. God is doing so many cool things. Mosaic Charlotte launches in like 18 days or something. It may 17 not sure. But it's cool to see how God has really laid everything out there. Naeem is the lead pastor who knows Erwin back here. It's rad to see ethnic diversity in churches. It really makes me smile. Gil has told me some incredible stories about how God is using them and I am super stoked to see how God moves. Please be praying for them as these next few weeks are crucial to the success of their launch. Pray that God would raise up people to do all the "Stuff" so they won't become relationally paralyzed. And also please pray for strength and rest.
Thank you for listening to my ranting. I needed to just process :)

2006-01-04T11:14:00.000-08:00

Augustine’s defintion of virtue:

Virtue is the good quality of mind by which one loves rightly which no one uses badly and which God produces in us without us.

Thats that!

May we understand as our forefathers did and gaze into our culture which speaks so many different "truths" to us. Change the world people, it needs beauty!

2006-01-01T23:05:00.000-08:00

Above: Malibu peir at night

Last night was good, hard but good. Had a good conversation with Gil and realized that God really needed to heal my heart on somethings, deep pain that hurts me a lot of times and those around me. It's a wound that many people deal with because of your cultural's problem with commitment.

(Thoughts from Erwins message I listened to)
Basically he explained that we the church have shown the world judgement but the main facet that needs to be shown in God's heart which is compassion. We have not shown the world this. When will we? I hope soon because it seems to be getting darker.

I drove to Malibu last night and pulled off on the side of the road, rolled down my window, wept and watched the waves crash. In my despair I realized there was hope...Beauty brings hope to the world in so many ways.

Go and in some way or fashion today create beauty.

To those of you who read this, your value in the world is indescribable and the role you play in this story that is unfolding you need to find. Pursue what makes you come most alive and give your life away to the dreams of other people. You will see that when you give your life away to serve others you will find the most satisfying peace and rest that only selflessness can offer you.

2005-12-31T09:43:00.000-08:00

There is something deep stirring inside me that I can not seem to understand. It has nothing to do with anything that I know. I understand that this makes no since but I just want to scream into the open and be raw. I want to be able to walk and move and be weak when need be. Where is the place that I can be that? In the arms of the almighty that understands humanity in it's brokenness. Sometimes more than others I am ready and longing for my true home....

Funny Story....

2005-12-29T11:11:00.000-08:00

So funny story...
I called a church in Florida today to ask them a question and the person I needed to talk to was not there. The lady that answered the phone sounded like she was from the deepest part of the south that you could ever find. And me being stupid was like, "You sure do not sound like your from Florida." You know trying to start a small talk conversation. Anyways...she said the following "Why is that" and it was not a oh why is that nice comment, it was like no I really am from Florida and just have the most akward accent in the world and you had to point it out comment. Amazing!

Don't be stilly Child and Get Scared...TRUST ME

2005-12-27T06:34:00.000-08:00

Certain things, actually most things in life take a lot more trust that we can actually give out of our human capability. I woke up with a little bit of fear in me but God really has used certain things in my own life to say wake up child...just trust.

Becoming Unparalyzed

2005-12-25T17:20:00.000-08:00

Opening your hands and letting go of everything you know to be "true" really enables you to not be paralyzed anymore. So many times in my life I have held on to promises that I have never been promised and if in the present moment I would of sacrificed the certainity of these dreams and these supposed promises, the future would of been a lot brighter. The only thing that I have been promised is that I can trust in an unfailing love. The unfailing love comes from a source where hope is never ending and love forever eternal.
Love, trust and so much more are swimming through my body right now. God has really been asking me to trust more and come to him more. So many times I don't sit before Him. Doing this more lately has been very helpful. If you enable your soul to be inclined to the Lord, intimacy is inevitable. It's a beautiful thing. I love this life that I have been called to, it's not easy but it's more fulfilling that anything you could ever imagine or I have ever experienced.

The crown of creation..what I like to call WOMAN

2005-12-23T22:03:00.000-08:00

Being a woman means to literally be the hope of something, the crown. When God made Eve he created her at the peak of creation. He created her to be something that is essential in this universe. If you are a woman take hope in this. You are irreplacable in this adventure and crazy thing we call life. You are desired for and loved. Take hope in bearing the image that God has allowed you to bear of himself. It's a beautiful thing. At the core of every woman is relational desires. This depicts God's heart to be adored and to adorn and be in relationship with humanity. Love of that picture today.

2005-12-21T09:51:00.000-08:00

So it's definately been a day so far...and a night.
Last night I ventured out to Santa Monica with my two favorite people Mariah and Aaron. We went to Santa Monica to do some Christmas shopping. First we went to CPK. Well let me just tell you about CPK, it was so stickin funny. Half the things that were said did not make since. Oh and you better believe that I wrote them down on a piece of paper.
Here we go...
"My hair is one hit wonder" -Aaron
"If there was a mirror behind you, you'd scream because your so beautiful" -Mariah to Aaron
"I used to push on the side of my chic to push my dimple out when I was a kid" -Aaron
"Would you mind acting like there are people around" -Mariah to Laura

So we went on to embrace the rest of the events for the night. Aaron was on the phone half the time with random people telling them his phone was going to die. We seperated from Aaron and ladies and gents Mariah and I went jean shopping. Walked into the Levi store and bought some jeans. After that Mariah and I ventured over to Urban where we met up with Aaron. This was fun, because Mariah was trying to be sleak about getting Aaron a shirt and lets just see on Christmas morning is he's really suprised. We bought some christmas gifts and then headed on back. Mariah and I jammed out to Mae and Kean while aaron was yet again on his phone.

We did the whole bucks stop on the way home for the parents and then I left. On the way home it was good. Ever encounter something so strong outside yourself and you just feel your entire body being washed away into something you know you can't escape? It was one of the moments. I read some when I got home, and this moment made since. I was reading some in the New Testament but then picked up Blue like Jazz to read the first page. Donald Miller talks about an Indian man who once said that God was in the sea and you could swim in him. There is a verse in the new testament about moving in God's being. I related with this. Honestly I only read the first few sentences and set it down because of this. I remember my friend Scott praying one time about kissing the face of God and swimming in his presence where you will be filled. I began to see this last night. I began to move more and more. I do not mean move in a physical since but I mean inside my body. I felt my soul, I felt the hand of something so much greater than me reach down inside me and really help me to breathe.

2005-12-20T12:01:00.000-08:00

there was a part in one of my blogs awhile back where i said...

I am scared to say this prayer outloud because I know He will answer it. It's funny because the God of the universe who created the cosmos knows our deepest desires and longing. He knows that there are certain things we can and can not handle. He understands the depths and widths of every fiber within this soul.

Have you ever met someone that depicts beauty to you and enhances who you are? I hope that all humanity finds this type of person.

Intersections

2005-12-16T17:23:00.000-08:00

Intersections are on my mind. Not the ones like on the street but the ones in life where you come to a crossing and you stop and interact with it but have no idea where it is going to take you. This happened to me a few months ago. And it is happening again this week. I am moving from Biola, entering my last semester of college, on the virge of independence from my parents and on top of all that dreaming about what might be after may....
But if you really want me to be honest, right now just sitting up on my bed wondering what heck is going on inside my soul. It's been a week of surprises. It has been both really amazing and really bad. There has been news of great hope and news of great sorrow for my soul. There are times where I have wanted to scream and cry and laugh all at the same time. There are times when I want to run away into the mountains in sleep away in the snow. The reason that sounds so appealing is because I love to run and I feel free in the mountains and the snow is one of my favorite things. Random fact about me and snow, it does not stop me from wearing flip flop year round. If I ever moved from L.A. I would go to my favorite little Asian store and get millions of my fav black flip flps that only last 5 weeks and bring them with me. :) So hope that makes since.
Simplicity is the desire my heart craves right now...but an adventure at the same time. I want to support others, grow, love more, understand more, alleviate pain more, speak more life, run more, love more, and do so much more....
More than anything I just want to move and have my being outside myself in the midst of God who loves all and who desires His name to be made known and his love to be advanced. I want to move in His being...I want to love in this world and I want to breathe deep....

2005-12-14T12:23:00.000-08:00

Titus 3:6-8: Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God's gift has restored our relationship with him and given us back our lives. And there's more life to come--an eternity of life! You can count on this.

I understand that at points its okay to wrestle in the moment and be sad but there is a point in time where I have to really reflect on who God is and acknowledge the fast that He is with me in my pain and other around me are also. As I acknowledge I need to realize that He promises through trials comes perservance which leads to charcter and character to hope (that may not be the order and something may be missing) BUT God really used this today to unwrap my insane mind and was just like Child, loosen the heck up. You have freedom to not be bound to the things that Satan throws at you. He is trying to make you inaffective. It was really good to realize this.

After that God really opened up some doors with different people in L.A. for me to love on...

I am excited to have vision back and almost be done with school.

Alyssa and Erin- thank you for speaking into me last night. I really appreciate it. I love you girls a lot.

- Laura 2 Tim. 2:2

Whirlwind of Thoughts and Emotions today....

2005-12-13T12:56:00.000-08:00

It's been a day...

My friend Gil, wrote a song and one of the lines says this "We can mend everything broken". It's been a day where God has really used that to pick up the broken peices of my heart and those around me and show me how much bigger everything in my life right now really is...I am not talking about bigger in dynamics but bigger in the sense that He is so much greater than death, circumstances and everything that encompasses this thing we call life....

2005-12-11T22:47:00.000-08:00

Picture: Crystal my future roommate and I acting crazy and the car speed in L.A. at most times. Traffic here is amazing!

There are times in life where we are hit with the unexpected, in the moment nothing seems to be clear. The life of simplicity to me is not defined in the circumstance but the motive of the heart. It’s defined by the internal drive of being simple and single minded. It’s having your life driven by an internal motivation that is sourced from only something that can give you the energy to really pursue the things that do not make since unless the Creator of all insane dreams is involved. It is giving your life away to something that is greater than you, bigger than you, and far out of your league…it is defined by risk and known by nothing but selfless love.

Have you ever encountered someone that is living your dream and you want to be there? It just clicks, you can see it being lived out and you can feel it in their voice? It is by far one of the most exciting things to experience. It proves to me that my dreams are not my own because other people have been given these dreams by God and are living them out. Do you ever wonder why you come across certain people, what role they will eventually or currently play? I have certain people in my life right now that I wonder this with. Something I have realized this week is that I just want to give my life away for the finding of others dreams. I want to enable people to find their own dreams and live them. This brings me life, I desire greatly to see true church work and for people to be healed through authentic community.

To those of you in my life who are hurting right now, I am sorry. I can’t always understand your pain but I will pray that God will bring people into your life who can offer you empathy.
The greatest thing a person in pain needs is someone who can truly feel what they are feeling….

Apathy is death fueled by a passionless heart while love is fueled by passion and drive and so much more we can never understand….

Thank you friend for helping me to understand apathy and the affects of it a bit more today. You know who you are….

To the rest of you who read this and understand me…You make my life absolutely amazing and I am thankful…

Welcome to the Future

2005-12-11T13:33:00.000-08:00

Pictures!!! Yah I love pictures Top two are my Adrian and myself dancing to Shane and Shane at Mosaic offices. The bottom on is My best friend Misty, james Myself, matt and mike at Ihop when i visited last!

Welcome to:

the future, to the adventure, to the city that never gets boring, to my heart that is unbalanced yet satisfied, to a job that I love, to a school that I am ready to be done with yet still want to hold onto, to a prayer that I can't say out loud because I know He will answer, to so many desires that I honestly wonder when they will come to pass, to hurt that seems unhealable, to a girl who loves people, to a life that is often lived out of fear, to a girl who hates that she's so often impatient because she can't slow down and look two feet past her, to the beat of my heart that since I met the Living God has cried to not live a mudance and complacent life, to someone who loves to encourage, to someone who loves people, to a mind that often is thinking deeply and reflectively and needs to loosen up, to a body that desires to be more in shape, to a girl who at her core loves kids because they make me feel alive, to a heart that longs to be loved and to love, to eyes that are readable and almost see through, to my presence that wears all it's emotions within it, to my dream of one day owning some type of really cool business, to my desire to serve and really be healed through that, to my fear of feeling alone, to my heart for the nations and missions, to my desire to really understand the scriptures but sometimes am to lazy to put the effort that I know I need to in order to understand them, to a confused heart because sometimes I just wrap up in all my emotion and can't find my way out, to a burning passion to see God's kingdom fully established, to my desire to never have a normal job, to my desire for others to find their dreams, to my fear of being left by others, to my fear of being unloved because of circumstances in my past, to my need for really good authentic community, to the girl who grew up in Jersey for most of her life, to the girl with the southern twang due to her living in Arkansas for five years almost, to a girl who is honestly just broken and in transition right now, to a girl who desires to be better with her finances and really invest well, to a girl who loves to ski and feels free there, to a girl who has not shared a lot these past few months because she's just has not been able to trust, to a mind that wants to understand God more, to a heart that longs to not be shaken by certain circumstance, to a girl who cries a lot because she happens to be a VERY emotional being, to a girl who is on the virge of changing things in her life, to a girl who is ready to be more open with those around her, to a girl who is really scared to make L.A. home but knows that it's time, to a girl who has amazing friends back home who are absolutely irreplacable, to a girl who loves her friends in Chi-Town and love what they are doing there, to a girl who has amazing people who have invested into her life (i.e. tammy and carrie), to a girl who wants to offer children who have gone through divorce hope, to a girl who longs to see reconcilation in the world, to a girl who desires to be so intimately connected with the God who she loves and to know Him and be known by him, to a girl who desires to hear His voice more and more, to a girl who desires much more confedience because she has the Spirit of God inside her soul, to a girl who hates divorce because it's made life really difficult at times, to a girl who really needs help in her areas of weakness, to the little girl inside my soul that never desires to grow up because her faith is large and without question, she is unreserved and unstoppable, she is aware and understands risk...........to me. This is me right now open and honest.